Why A Bride Isn't Seen By Her Groom Before The Wedding

Planning a wedding ceremony can be a very stressful time in an engaged couple’s relationship.  Many of you have probably experienced this because you are dealing with two families with different ideas of what should take place during the ceremony, as well as the reception, often times overlooking the desires of the bride and groom on the biggest day of their lives. 

Many brides have their childhood dreams of the princess-like wedding ceremony perhaps based upon fairy tales of Prince Charming swooping away his bride to live happily ever after.  As I wrote last week, many of the traditions surrounding the wedding are only what we have experienced in our lifetime.  They do not have a long history.  Other customs do, but we have forgotten the meaning of them and they no longer apply to our situation today. We need to understand the meaning of our wedding ceremonial customs and create new customs expressing what marriage means in our lives today as Catholics. 

Do you know the reason why the groom is not supposed to see the bride before she walks down the aisle?  Supposedly seeing the bride before the wedding ceremony was supposed to bring bad luck on the marriage.  This is nothing but superstitious hogwash!  If we truly believe that God has brought a couple together (which is our faith if a couple has discerned and prayed over the matter), do we really believe that God will let something as frivolous as that bring disaster upon a marriage?  If a couple believes that, they better reconsider marrying each other. 

With many couples cohabitating today, they also have seen each other before the marriage.  So what difference does it really make if the groom sees the bride in her white dress or not?  In 1940, my mom and dad walked each other down the aisle.  Their wedding took place at 8 a.m. on Saturday because everyone had to fast from food and water from midnight on so they could not have an afternoon or evening wedding for fear of everyone, including the priest, possibly fainting.

Where and why did this custom begin that a groom would not see his bride before the wedding ceremony? During the times when marriages were arranged by the parents (which is still customary in some cultures), the couple to be wed was never allowed to see each other. Marriages in ancient times were like business deals between two families. A father especially wanted his daughter to marry a man from a rich family to assure her great prosperity.  But if the groom met the bride before the wedding and saw that she was not attractive, he could back out of the arrangement and cancel the wedding.  This is something the bride’s family wanted to avoid at all costs! 

The wearing of the bridal veil covering the bride’s face went along with this same idea.  Some historians claim that if the bride was really ugly, a veil would prevent the groom from seeing her and running away while he still could!  This is so the groom did not have a chance to back out from the wedding if he found the bride unattractive.  Unfortunately for Jacob (in the Old Testament), because his bride wore such a thick veil, he couldn't see that it covered the face of the wrong woman! 

In other cultures, the uncovering of the veil during the marriage ceremony was a symbol of what was to take place later in the marital bed.  Just as the two newlyweds become one through the words of their wedding vows, the words and the uncovering of the veil were the symbol of the physical oneness they would later consummate.

However, today many brides don’t want their grooms to see them before the ceremony because they believe it gives them a sense of excitement and longing, making their wedding day more memorable. Also brides want to look stunning to their grooms as they enter the doors of the church.  It just wouldn’t have the same effect on the groom if he has already seen the bride in her dress, hair and makeup prior to the wedding ceremony. Having officiated at the wedding ceremonies of close friends and family members, there is much truth in this.

Next week, we’ll look at some new ways of the bride and groom seeing each other before the ceremony, as well as the presentation of the bride and groom by their parents as they did at Baptism and First Communion.